Massacre at Central High – Alternate Title

I won’t even pretend to understand marketing.  My interests are far too specific for me to understand what’s going to appeal to a mass audience.  I’m frequently left scratching my head at the success of some movies and the failure of others.  International marketing is even more confusing as there are too many variables outside of quality to take into consideration.  My understanding is that Argento’s Phenomena (Creepers) was cut by a half an hour in the US so that New Line could squeeze in an extra theatrical screening each day.

I guess it makes sense from a business standpoint to have different versions of a movie for different markets.  I don’t think the international cut of Dawn of the Dead is necessarily inferior, even if I prefer the US cut.  I’ve also been poking around the world of sleaze long enough to run into plenty of movies that have hardcore and softcore versions.  Sometimes they’re shot at the same time and just cut together differently while others are erotic movies with hardcore inserts.

While inserts are generally not preferable, they make sense in a movies like The Female Vampire (the hardcore version I saw was called Erotikill).  It’s more baffling in today’s item though.  I don’t know who looked at Massacre at Central High and saw a porno movie, but I’d like to meet him.  He looked at this:

And saw this:

He must be the kind of guy who sees the world through porno-colored lenses.  One can only imagine where else he sees potential pornography.

Would make good porn.

Visionary is a word that gets thrown around a lot these days, but if it doesn’t apply to the person behind this, I think we should just take it out of the dictionary.

I’m remiss to say that I’ve never had the chance to see Sexy Jeans.  I don’t know where the smut actually occurs, but permit me to make a few educated guesses:

• Three bullies attempt to rape a pair of girls in a classroom (you know, to cure them of their potential lesbianism).
• David goes skinny dipping dipping with Theresa.
• Theresa and Mark have sex on the beach.
• Spoony frolics naked in some sort of canyon with Mary and Jane (the aforementioned potential lesbians).

While a few of these would be nonsensical to the plot, I’m willing to let that go.  Sex and logic aren’t always close companions.  What strikes me though, is the kind of porno this would be.  If my math is right, there are three or possibly four sex scenes in a movie that started out at about 90 minutes.  Not only that, but if I’m seeing a movie called Sexy Jeans, I’m expecting something kind of breezy and fun.  Massacre at Central High is bleak.

Before I put this one away on the shelf in my collection, I want to clear up any potential misunderstandings.  Please understand that I’m aware of the fact that I’m a dirty, horrible person.  You don’t have to look through my collection here for long to figure that out, so I’m not going to pretend to be otherwise.  I first became interested in seeing Massacre at Central High in the 90s when I read in the Bare Facts Video Guide that Kimberly Beck from Friday the 13th Part IV was naked in the movie.  I’m not above smut by any means, I’m just sometimes surprised by the places that it turns up.

Essential reading for horrible, dirty people.