Almost everyone that I talk to insists that exercise will make me feel better. I see the logic in it. I mean I don’t want to get winded going up a flight of stairs or have a heart attack before I’m 50. And I like having had exercised, being in shape doesn’t bother me and I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment that goes with it. I just hate the actual process. When I say hate, I mean I loathe it.
I’m no hero either, I’m only talking about 30 minutes or so a night on a treadmill or an elliptical. But I will spend every minute that I’m on there wishing I was doing something else. It’s not entirely the discomfort that I hate either, it’s that fact that fitness is ongoing and will be lost as soon as you stop attending to it. The motivation I usually have to persevere through an unpleasant task is that I know that once it’s done, I don’t have to do it again. My reward for pushing through a half hour on the elliptical (which is as much fun as running through really deep snow) is that I get to look forward to another round the next day.
I’ve tried listening to music or watching movies while I exercise and it makes the slightly more bearable, but I will still look for any excuse to not do it the next day. I know that I have to figure some way to incorporate it into my life so that exercise was just a by product of something I needed to do anyway. When I was in my late 20s, I went back to school again. I lived about a mile from the campus and decided that I wouldn’t pay for a parking pass. I had to walk every day. This meant at least two miles a day, sometimes four if I went home for lunch.
One of the things that I admire completely about my wife, but will never understand, is the drive to exercise. She teaches a spin class at 5:45 every morning before work, and then usually attends some other fitness activity in the evening. In my free time, I watch weird movies and write about weird moments.
Well, our worlds met in one of those weird moments, because, in Rolls Royce Baby, I realized just how awesome exercise can be.
Lina Romay plays Liza Romay, an actress in adult movies. In a flashback, we find out that she once had sex with two truckers who then tossed her out on the side of the road without her clothes. She does what anyone would naturally do in such a situation, she becomes rich and seduces people in the back of a Rolls. This seduction usually involves the “victims” getting shoved by Eric Falk, who plays Eric, the driver (the two leads were obviously looking to grow as actors).
This is all fine and good, but if there’s anything to remember about this movie, it’s incredible exercise sequences that serve very little purpose to the film other than being awesome.
Falk’s character is described as a superman. Probably due to his ability to sneak up behind people and shove them into a car. How did Romay know that Falk had what it takes to carry out the duties of an all purpose superman? It all had to do with the martial arts she saw him doing completely naked. As far as I know, there has never been this kind of intensity captured on celluloid.
My initial reaction was that, taken out of context, this may be the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen. Then I thought about it, there really is no context. This is just hilarious, no qualifier needed.
I know for some out there, it might be hard to understand what’s so funny about a naked man punching and kicking into a camera. To them I would say, this isn’t just any naked man. This is Eric Falk. His delightful sneer was graced many Erwin Dietrich films, and they’re all better for it. Whether he’s hosing down a nude Brigitte Lahaie in Caged Women or gallivanting around Six Swedes on a Campus, he always stands out from the other male performers. If you know Eric Falk and still don’t understand why his naked kung fu display is funny, then I think we’ll just have to settle on the fact that we have different ideas about entertainment. Weirdo.
For those of you that are into less aggressive fitness regiments, Liza does do some nude stretching or yoga or something. While it’s admittedly easy on the eyes, Falk’s heroics are just too hard to follow and these poses often get lost in the shuffle. Let’s all take a moment and appreciate what Liza has to offer.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m a dirty man. But now I have a renewed sense of purpose in becoming a dirty fit man. I will begin my naked kung fu routine as soon as I am done typing this. I feel more energized just thinking about it. Prepare yourselves for a leaner, more focused Dr. Humpp from this point on.